CMH Gourmand

SKY Gourmand: The Cooker is Back and a Trip Down Fast Casual Memory Lane

cmh gourmand — Wed, 09 May 2012 05:00:27 +0000

To begin, we must go to the past. Flashback to the golden age of fast casual dining in Columbus the 1980′s and early 1990′s. The Cooker stood out among an array of “bling filled” choices, many of them locally based including Max & Erma’s, Damon’s, The 55 Group, Salvi’s, etc., as Columbus was transitioning from Fast Food Capital of the World to the Fast Casual Capital. The Cooker Bar and Grille launched in 1984, was incorporated in 1986, started to sell stock in 1989 and at the peak employed nearly 3000 people in several states. I knew several people who started out as bussers and found themselves as corporate trainers in less than two years with the company. Although founded in Nashville the company had a strong Columbus following and connection. As was the case of many restaurants started or based in Columbus area during the time period, the Cooker expanded too quickly without firming up assets and died a slow, painful death in a market clogged with Applebees and Chili’s. The last Columbus Cooker, on Lane Ave., near The Varsity Club shuttered and padlocked the doors in 2004. One interesting statistic from the era of the Cooker, the focus on service: “Cooker’s policy was to offer a money-back, satisfaction guarantee, or to give away free meals if customers were dissatisfied. In 1992, Cooker gave away $750,000 in free meals to back up the guarantee and justified that expense as a positive advertising strategy. The restaurant began as a made from scratch restaurant and was based in Columbus for a long time. Ask anyone in town that remembers this era and one word speeds out of their mouths: biscuits. Cheddar filled biscuits to be exact, these were revolutionary in their time, decadent, buttery and served on the table (with refills) with each meal. Come for the biscuits, stay for the rest. Others that remember the early, early days of chain, before it had too many links fondly recall the Pot Roast.

Flash forward to last summer. I received this e-mail.

Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Steven Schuster and I was a multi-unit manager for the Cooker Bar & Grille in the 90’s. Like many, guests and crew members, I was shocked and amazed when Cooker went to sleep in 2004.

Over the years, many people shared their love of the Cooker brand with me. So much so that in 2007, another former multi-unit manager and I bought the brand name and recipes with plans to re-ignite the brand.

We did just that last November. The Cooker Bar & Grille reopened in Sandusky, Ohio. How we got here is in the story below. Our final website goes live this month. Until then, we do have a temporary web-site up with menu and pictures available for your perusal at www.cookerbarandgrille.com

In addition, you can see the energy for the brand first hand on Facebook and Twitter.

With all the great attractions in our area: Cedar Point, Kalahari, the Lake Erie Islands, we would love for you to come here, enjoy the great Cooker food that you know and love, then spend some time enjoying everything our area has to offer. We would be pleased to send you certificates for complimentary food. (Also, if you are interested, our friends at the Lake Erie Shores and Islands Welcome Center can arrange complimentary accommodations for your visit.) If you feel the free food would compromise the integrity of your article, I completely understand but would still love for you to experience the southern inspired recipes, great service, and chic ambience that made the Cooker famous. Please ask for me when you are in. I can fill you in on more details for your story and I would enjoy meeting you.

The Cooker was back? In Sandusky? Hmm.

Restaurant industry, pay attention and read the above again. I turn down almost every offer, inducement, etc., that I am contacted to write about. I make a few exceptions. In this case, to see the Cooker make a comeback had me intrigued, especially with the strong connection to Columbus. Second, this is a well written letter….not “To whom it may concern” or “Dear CMH Gourmand”, they took some time to review my site, find my name and laid out all kinds of helpful information for me. That my friends shows good research and some effort.

In exchange, I have to apologize. I make my journey to the Cooker last November and I am just writing about it now. My rationalization was that since it is now just the beginning of the Lake Erie migration season, it is much more topical to post this now that back in December. While, that is true, the reality is I overextended myself, my notes were buried and I procrastinated. I historically beat deadlines. I did not have a drop dead date for this post but my “worst possible case scenario” at the time was “I should have this out in January.” Fail, I missed that by a long shot.

To to Steven Schuster I say, thank you for the opportunity, your hospitality and for your patience. Finally, here is the update on The Cooker 2.0.

Clarification: Sandusky does have an airport and the designation code for it is SKY.

Honestly, I briefly debated if I wanted to go all the way to Sandusky for the Cooker. After a short bit of contemplation, I was sure I wanted to go, even if it meant going up and back in the same day. The Cooker really is a part of Columbus culinary history. From a nostalgic viewpoint you can never go home again” but if those cheddar biscuits and my favorite broccoli cheddar casserole were back on the menu, I was going. I checked the menu and…check! I found plenty of other things to do while in the area to make the trip a sure hit.

The Cooker is buried in a long, long row of what seems like every national and regional restaurant chain along one single road on the path to Cedar Point and Lake Erie. I literally started to make a list of the chains and stopped when I hit forty….even through there were many more. The Cooker definitely has done well to survive among all of the competition.

The (new) Cooker has much of the character of the original with some relics of the old days interspersed among the new decor. So cutting to the chase Columbus. Yes, The Cooker still serves the biscuits and they are still good, but a bit smaller than I recall from my formative years. The menu still has a focus on Southern Fare with comfort food influences. Some updates have been added such as a veggie burger option, a broad beer and cocktail list and plenty of sandwiches. An item I do not recall from the past, but I enjoyed a lot were the freshly made potato chips. These were thick, chewy and crunchy at the same time. Definitely more than an afterthought and a must try on the menu.

The Broccoli Cheese Casserole is still listed among the sides and pretty close to what I recalled from the days of glory – plenty of cheese with some occasional broccoli tossed in. I had forgotten the Cooker offers the option to get four side dishes as a meal. I saw that is still a selection on the current Cooker menu. In my day, was the choice I usually went with. Thank you for pulling that one out of the bullpen Cooker Bar and Grille.

The current Cooker location is kid friendly but with a few sports bar aspects to it however it retains a good amount of the feel and focus on service just as the original. The only miscue was the pot roast. It was passable but weak in the two aspects I look for the most: a lot of au ju juices and plenty of cut up, thick vegetables. There were some carrots mixed among the meat but not the large chunks of tubers and root vegetables I enjoy. I think we may have gotten the top or the bottom of the pot on ours because I did spy a heartier version at another table.

A new addition I that strongly support is the addition to Toft’s Ice Cream throughout the dessert menu. This is a great regional Ohio ice cream and Toft’s shows The Cooker’s support of sourcing local with this product on their menu.

Even though I snuck into the Cooker on the down low, Steve figured out who I was from my note taking and photos on the fly. He checked in with me, answered all of my questions and made me feel at home. Observing the flow of customers before he joined me, I saw him checking in with every customer on site. While The Cooker has name recognition and a history, Steve is clearly treating the Cooker 2.0 as a start-up restaurant and a relaunch of the best of the brand. He recognizes that good service is the key to repeat business in the sea of restaurants that surround him and a necessity to survive and thrive when Cedar Point is closed for the season.

The Cooker is worth a visit for nostalgia sake alone. It is also a decent restaurant on its own merit and among the better choices in the area, especially for family dining. See below for details.

Cooker Website
Cooker Bar & Grille
4318 Milan Road
Sandusky, OH
419.625.9700

Filed under: Ohio, Road Trip, Travelfoodalogue Tagged: Cooker Biscuits, SKY Gourmand, The Cooker, The Cooker Bar and Grille

Ray Ray’s 2.0: Two Trucks, Same Menu, Much Better Venue

cmh gourmand — Wed, 02 May 2012 04:43:02 +0000

It was a sad day for Baja Clintonville. It was a great day for Old North Columbus, Jaime Anderson, Ace of Cups and the SoHud Non-Industrial Complex. After an extraordinary run in an unlikely convenience store parking Ray Ray’s Hog Pit has moved on.

There is no need for me to write accolades about Ray Ray’s – 96% of your already know or have read about Ray Ray’s and wanted to go but never did. You now have many more reasons to drive just slightly south on High Street for the full Ray Ray’s experience. The BBQ master is now based at Ace of Cups. What does that mean? It means beer…good beer, a patio, a great live music line up and a bar that will be successful in a location that has repeatedly failed. It also means better parking, twice the BBQ output and a pairing of two business that were meant for each other. By combining their strengths, the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. Ray Rays and Ace of Cups is the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, (the peanut butter and chocolate) of food pairings.

Marcy Mays is the owner and bartender in chief of Ace of Cups. You might have heard of her in a past life in the band Scrawl or maybe as a one of the founders of saloon called Surly Girl. She has taken a building that was a bank, that turned into a series of failed bars. It was a place that never seemed to come together. She is making it work while working fulltime and pursuing other projects at the same time. Ace of Cups has a ping-pong table to complement the patio and an inside menu, with vegan items to complete the carnivorous offerings of Ray Ray’s.

Jaime Anderson worked in the BBQ trade before finding a niche in a trailer that did great in an unwieldy spot. The secret to success: time, word of mouth and a commitment to the art and science of BBQ that polished this diamond in the rough. It worked. But not without some barriers. The biggest obstacles – some bull-headed bureaucracy and literally a handful of people who saw a small business person, running a BBQ operation in a trailer as a threat to their customer base or as someone who should be paying a higher rent elsewhere out of self-interest, not community good.

There is a downside to the story of Ray Ray’s 1.0. This is where the bureaucracy comes in. Jaime has a trailer. Pubic Health requires that a food trailer move every 45 days. There is some obscurely worded, arcane and unclear zoning and other city regulations that are inconsistently observed as requiring a trailer to move every day. From a health and safety standpoint – there is no support for this requirement. From a practical and pragmatic point of view the 24 hour rule is rarely enforced and often ignored but for some reason the microscope zoomed in on Jaime. Maybe he was too successful, received too much press or caught some bad karma. The 1% won against the 99% on this joust.

Jaime tried to get the city departments to explain to him why he had to tear down and set each day that he was in operation. He was only set up a few days a week so the possibility of being unsafe or unsanitary did not exist. Jaime continued to hit a brick wall fighting city hall and never received a real answer. He invested money and time, hired a lawyer and more. Eventually he had to give up, suck it up and waste three to five hours each business day setting up and tearing down for no good reason. In spite of this Sisyphean effort, he continued, thrived and has now moved on. For a point of record….there is another trailer business nearby which does not set up and tear down every day. There are several mobile businesses that dodge the hoops Jaime had to jump through. Is there some reason he was singled out? Whatever it was, he has moved on to a better place and Clintonville loses a bit of its character in the process. Fortunately, Ray Ray’s is still a short bike ride away from his original spot. The Ville will miss you Ray Ray’s but we could not think of a better spot for you. Thanks for being the peanut butter Ace of Cups. And now we watch a reason to visit Clintonville and discover our other independent businesses go away. Now Ray Ray’s is a side note in our community history of lost opportunities.

Filed under: bar, BBQ, Clintonville, Gastronomic Stimulus Tagged: Ace of Cups, Ray Ray's

Funcoast Gourmand: Eating My Way Along The Lake Erie Shores

cmh gourmand — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 04:25:29 +0000

As a kid growing up in Columbus, I thought I was aware of what the north coast of Ohio had to offer: Put-In-Bay, Cedar Point, Kelley’s Island and chilled early morning fishing trips with my dad (it took several years to figure out I was allergic to fish). If the fishing was good and we were ahead of schedule I MIGHT get to go to Phil’s Inn in Port Clinton for spaghetti before driving home. The north coast was a long day trip resulting in a tuckered out pre-Gourmand at the end of the day.

Flash forward a decade or two. My definition of fun has changed significantly now plus I can control my own destiny because I can drive myself. No more would I suffer the torment of driving by The Cheese Haven, cool looking diners and all varieties of interesting food options. Honestly, while the thought of heading back to this part of the state for culinary discovery had crossed my mind on occasion, I never made the effort. Then I received an e-mail which piqued my interest.

The message came to Gourmand HQ from the owner of the Cooker. Yeah, that’s right The Cooker. If you lived in Columbus from the mid 1980′s to about 2004 you were aware of the Cooker and its hey day in the early years. It was the fast casual place to go for everyone, especially in the Bethel Road area – dates, business lunches, family events, etc., that was the place to be. The chain grew fast and furious and like many of its Columbus cousins (Damon’s, Hoggy’s, Max and Erma’s, The 55 Group. etc.) of the era to expanded too far, too quick and lost it’s focus and following.

The universal memory of any Cooker customers is the same: the biscuits and the brocoli and cheese casserole. The Cooker was returning and had a location in Sandusky. Would I like to come? Absolutely, for nostalgia alone but also to see if the menu could be replicated to my memories. So thinking of our north coast, I started to plot other activities I might engage in. I recalled my earlier adventure to Chef’s Garden, I wanted to go there again. A childhood of Cheese Haven torment could be corrected. I had been to Toft’s Dairy back in 1998 researching ice cream in Ohio and really wanted to get another lick at that place. I had a short list of restaurants I had been tracking in the area and a long list of wineries, including Firelands. Clearly in-depth research was called for.

I had a very ambitious agenda for a day trip. My minions will tell you that I can pack a lot of driving and eating into a day, but even I realized I was going to need more than 24 hours to scratch the surface of what the “Funcoast” could offer.

I was put in contact with Jill Bauer at Lake Erie Shores and Islands. She provided me with even more reasons to explore the area and enough of a reality check to at least temper my ambitions to a few stops along one section of the coast. She then connected me with a perfectly situated base of operations for my target area – Captain Montague’s Bed and Breakfast.

I charted my drive on Ohio’s back roads, complied my to eat list and set off on my journey of rediscovery. Along the way I found a food truck in Norwalk, some incredible road side eateries, great small towns (watch out for the speed trap of Crestline) and even avoided the magnetic pull of the Blue Hole.

I took my trip back in November so to bring you up to speed, I am ending my procrastination with a series of Funcoast posts over the next week to ten days with highlights from my expedition. Stay tuned for dispatches on the best bed and breakfast in Northern Ohio, The Cooker, Zinc (the Restaurant, not the mineral), Toft’s Dairy and maybe more.

I know I came back wanting to go back and do much more including a first trip to Chez Francois which was highly recommended by my B&B hosts and fellow culinary house guests.

Filed under: Ohio, Road Trip, Travelfoodalogue Tagged: Lake Erie Shores and Islands, The Cooker

Requiem for Cindy King: It Is Time for Nancy’s To Become Cindy’s

cmh gourmand — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 04:23:17 +0000

The painting above hangs at the Columbus Metropolitan Library near Whetstone Park. It represents a building, that houses a diner that is the legacy of a community icon.

Cindy King moved on to a diner somewhere above on March 3rd this year. She left behind quite a legacy and luckily she had several relatives to fill her shoes and apron. There is a need for diner like she left behind in Clintonville and Columbus and many more places on our planet. There is a true democracy to diners that can’t be replicated elsewhere, created in a corporate boardroom, summarized in a business plan or taught in culinary school. The food is secondary to the community a dinner supports and connects. Cindy King was the Queen of the connectors: she watched out for young and old, knew when to chat and when to stick to a nod and a smile. She knew people and gave them what they wanted…..needed…craved: comfort, consistency, compassion and a simple meal for five bucks. Cindy is gone but her niece Sheila has taken the hand off of the ladle with an assist from her husband Rick and her sister, the girl we watched grow up in the diner, Shelli.

I had my first meal at Nancy’s when I was six. I was not back for seconds until well after college, my friends from Cleveland had discovered a place I had forgotten right in my backyard. I remedied my oversight during the 1990′s and the early aughts of the 21st century. I wrote about the place frequently starting in 2006.

There is nothing to add about the place that has not been written by countless others. Cindy King could never be replaced but the institution she created remains. She would never want a tribute, but I think it is time to show our thanks to her for all she did for our community. My guess is she may fight this from the grave but I’ll take this risk.

Nancy’s was truly Nancy’s for just a few years. Nancy’s was Cindy’s for nearly four decades….but the name never changed. For forty years, people asked for Nancy but Cindy answered. It is now time for strangers, newcomers and greenhorns to ask for Cindy….so that Sheila, Shellie or someone on either side of the counter can tell the story of Cindy King. Then that person can eat it and beat it for the next guy.

What I am proposing is a collection to get a new sign for the diner that says Cindy’s. Our community rallied to collect over $15,000 to save the diner back in 2009….let’s collect a little less to get a new sign and honor her by adding her name to the place. Nancy’s was never Nancys, especially now. Lets change it Clintonvillians…..

I’ll donate $100.00 if someone will start a tip jar for a new sign at the restaurant.

Filed under: Clintonville, Diners Tagged: Cindy KIng

Clintonville Pizza Challenge: The Verdict (with a serving of unsolicited pizza philosophy)

cmh gourmand — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 03:35:50 +0000

When the series began it was for a noble purpose. Introduce new members of the Clintonville Community to the pizza dining options of Clintonville. It was also an opportunity for me to retry some places from my past and fill in the notebook on a few places untried. The concept, was to run a March Madness style bracket system with the goal of a worthy champion to be our go to pizza for our Monday gatherings. Our merry band knew there would be challenges in our challenge: conflicting tastes, a three-year addiction to Adriaticos to acknowledge and self-help our way through. We knew there would be disappointments but with twelve candidates we “knew” there would be a few princes among the frogs. Right?

Instead of the thrill of serious competition in the spirit of March Madness we had to fight through a marathon of mediocrity for five straight weeks. Here is how the series ended with limited analysis (I did not even bother to write down opinions for the last round).

Whole World: Disqualified because they are not open on Mondays.

Gatto’s: Average nothing of note

Smith’s Deli: forgotten about until the night before. Perhaps with good cause. The pizza had a school pizza sale pizza quality to it and had OK crust but the rest tasted so packaged we looked for a price tag.

Northstar Cafe: Technically disqualified for being a flatbread. While acknowledged that this was a good product and probably the most “real” food of any candidate in the series and the freshest of any ingredients. The flatbread does not travel well and failed our long-established value and volume standard….explained later if I don’t forget.

Romeo’s: OK for a chain, the winner of the evening. It has qualities of the original Dominos of the 1970′s and a big crust ring. The whole was greater than the sum of the parts on this one and what won the day for Romeo’s was sauce. The sauce was persistently present in each bite and tasted like….pizza sauce. The others lacked any sauce of note or measure.

Going through all of the contenders, the only pizzas our gang would order again for a second trial would be Hounddogs and Belleria. Only these two would have made it to a second round. Gauging preferences among the group, Hounddogs would have been the winner. However, after leading my flock through 40 days of pizza purgatory, there was no way to take them further on the journey and thus the series ends with a fizzle. In all we tried the thirteen independent and small chain pizzas of Clintonville minus Whole World and Mama Mimi’s. It was a noble effort.

On the upside, our hosts seem to have taken a shine to Belleria (based on the many boxes I see in the household between Mondays. And, strangely enough, they don’t opt for delivery, that seems like a moral victory of some sort. The head of the household of our hosting site likes the Italian accented banter of the Mama Mia at the shop when he picks up his prize.

Also, it is noted that Adriaticos was picked up for consumption on the day of this dispatch and devoured at the host site so all is now well at our undisclosed testing zone and Nerd Night headquarters in Middle Clintonville.

What was learned. The perception in Columbus is that Clintonville is weak in dining choices. In the case of pizza that is true, not much to write home about (even in my own home) in the Ville. How sad. However there is hidden in our borders a pizza genius. A master of baking, furnace and fire tweaking who like a classic Marvel superhero, hides his powers from the world is his cider block fortress in Baja Clintonville. Yet instead of using his powers for good, he taunts the world with glimpses of the good he could do for his community and fights my ongoing efforts for him to seize his destiny to cook pizza for the pizza deprived neighbors. My garage is filled with fire bricks awaiting construction of a clandestine wood fired pizza oven. If we build it, they will dine. But alas, I digress, for this last paragraph is written for our reluctant champion and the ten people who know of whom I refer.

Back on track now. The end of the series was not without some drama. As a planning and communication tool, Facebook has some weaknesses. I did add Smith’s at the last-minute so only I knew about this dark horse late entry. Due to working at my job instead of checking some late Facebook updates, I was not aware that a pizza had not been ordered from Whole World, so when I showed to pick it up, I arrived to locked doors. My next stop was Romeos where I thought I was picking up a pizza. There was none to be had at my arrival even after using every possible name I could think the order might be under. My phone failed when I called to check with Pizza Challenge central so I decided to play it safe and be a man of action therefore I ordered a pizza to be delivered. I then went to Gattos and get the last pizza for pick up.

Reflecting on the series as a whole was difficult. The day before the last round, I was a judge for the Pizza Grand Prix series at Wild Goose Creative. Having good pizza still fresh in my mind and digestive system as well as having created the judging criteria for the amateur pizza competition, the consumption of mediocre pizza was extra painful to my soul and senses. After years of defending Columbus Pizza from transplants (and citing may good places to get it) I had to accept that we do have a lot of sub par pizza served within our city limits. Such should not be the case.

What makes a pizza great? As with all things food related – there is not much objective to say on something as subjective as personal taste. I will say some basic truths do hold evident from our pizza tasting series. A good pizza needs these characteristics:

1) Good sauce. Simple. There should be something of flavor in the base – some salt, oregano, garlic…something. It must have more than tin tinged tomato taste and it should show some resistance to a strainer.

2) A ratio of sauce to cheese, cheese to crust and base crust to crust edge that allows the flavors of all to be tasted in each bite.

It is too technically complex to write out this theorem in mathematic terms but such a ratio does exist in the minds and palettes of men and such a ratio was not seen in most of the pizzas we tried. Most were weak on sauce or seemed to lack any substance or flavor in the sauce.

3) Crust should have flavor with some chewiness (this may not be a true word, but when has that ever stopped me) and some crunch or at least mild resistance in the crust edge. It can be cracker crust or thick crust but it needs to taste like something other than dough or Wonder Bread and it should be firm not soggy.

4) Cheese. Cheese should be real. The cheese ratio should not be greater in density or volume to the crust + sauce in a ratio of 3 (parts cheese) : 2 (parts sauce + crust)

5) Volume + Price = Value. Value = one advance in ranking; lack of value equals two descents in ranking. A B+ pizza that is $10.99 beats an A+ pizza at $18.99 that can only feed 1/3 the number of people as the B+ pizza. A similar ratio applies to wine. Two good bottles of $10.99 wine beat one slightly better bottle of $21.99 wine.

If you NEED good pizza this is where you will find it: The Rossi, Adriaticos, Hounddogs, Bono, Harvest Pizzeria, Hi-Beck Tavern and at an undisclosed backyard in Baja Clintonville where a reclusive pizza craftsman tinkers with a Frankengrill toiling over micro-refinements in process to perfect his pizza to surpass the 99.9999875391% level of goodness, in his mad obsession with perfection.

There is good pizza in Clintonville but most of you will never have it and the rest of you will have to accept that you are driving out of the 43214 for a decent pizza pie.

Filed under: Clintonville, Columbus, culinary knowledge, culinary misadventure Tagged: Clintonville Pizza Challenge

Clintonville Pizza Challenge: Dantes vs. Clintonville Pizza Primo, Another Failed Plate

cmh gourmand — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 01:23:41 +0000

(Above, the winners of the fourth round of the Clintonville Pizza Challenge: a bag of Kettle Chips and homemade cookies).

When this series began, I was going to have a graphic designer pal put together a bracket to plot the rise and fall of the pizza candidates in the challenge. Unfortunately, we have only seen a rise of fail. Dantes and Pizza Primo both missed the mark. By a long shot. Neither are advancing to the next round.

Here is what transpired. Don’t try this at home.

Quotes from the evening:

“Mediocrity reigns”

“This is the last round…..right?!?

We tried a plain cheese pizza from both location as well as a sausage, mushroom and pepperoni from both shops. Their was a glimmer of excitement for Dantes since their sausage is billed as housemade. We had hope – we lost it. One of the Primo pizzas ordered was a thick crust variety – that did not help.

Are these bad pizzas. No. Are they good? The ones we had given new meaning to the word meh.

In the case of Pizza Primo – across the board the consensus was that it tasted like frozen or off the shelf pizza. The sauce lacked any aspect of flavor. It was red and wet but that was it. Overall: bland, unmemorable, disposable and generic were the adjectives used. We had a lot of this one left when the evening concluded.

For Dantes, I had a glimmer of hope. I believe Dantes was my first encounter with pizza, I would have been five or six. As I stood waiting to pick up our order, I had a lot of time to watch the place in operation. It is a family joint – family run and patronized. The dough slingers know the customers by first name, what school they went to and probably which T-ball team their cousin was on last year. While I was there an employee and a customer spent fifteen minutes catching up on family matters while pizzas were prepped. Another customer shared that he has just had to put his dog down. The order counter is right by the pizza assembly area so you watch each pie made. I read a letter on the wall praising the Dantes sausage and I was hoping their sausage would deliver a hit for the nerd night Clintonville Pizza Challenge crowd. Dantes has character for sure and a good connection to community. I was hoping some of that love would rise and thrive in the pizza dough too.

Dantes fared better but was still underwhelming. The sausage, while homemade, tasted like it might have been made at home….long ago. The grease smears permeating the thin plain white box is a signature characteristic but the good aspects of the grease went the wrong direction. In the case of both cheese Pizza Primo and especially Dantes pizzas – the plain pies are at a disadvantage because they don’t allow any other ingredients to hide the imperfections of the products. For both pizza purveyors a better sauce could have helped either cross the line of average but the whole was less than equals to the sums of the parts – passable but not worthy of the next round.

We now find ourselves with four rounds complete and several disappointments. Before the gang stages a coup and kicks me off the pizza island, we are going to double down and put all the remaining pizzas on the table. On Monday, April 16th we are going to complete round one of the series with one each of Northstar Cafe, Whole World, Gatto’s and Romeos and hope that at least one is a cut above the rest and at least more than edible.

Stay tuned for the outcome. I doubt there will a final four out of this series. But we are hoping for a final two to pair off against Adriaticos as the official pizza of nerd night.

Filed under: Clintonville, culinary misadventure, pizza Tagged: Clintonville Pizza Challenge

Clintonville Pizza Challenge: Hounddogs vs. Villa Nova, The Path of Redemption

cmh gourmand — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 11:37:44 +0000

Redemption. Hallelujah!

If your read the last installment of the Monday Nerd Night Clintonville Pizza Challenge you may recall that things were looking dire for the series. Both contenders lost and the nerds were demoralized.

I was confident that Hound Dogs would deliver and I was pretty sure Villa Nova would provide a passable pie. I knew the series was sustainable when our pessimistic pizza contrarian had this to say about Hound Dogs, “This one is going to go far.” “This is damn good.”

The contest pitted a Hound Dogs Smoking Joe’s style (spicy sauce, garlic laden crust) with pepperoni, sausage and mushrooms as well as a traditional Hound Dogs pizza with an extra layer of cheese vs. two Villa Nova pizzas with the same toppings.

It was also a contest of cultures and mindsets. It was North vs. South. Hound Dogs lies in the badlands near Baja Clintonville in Olde North Columbus. Villa Nova is a community standby located in the nether regions between Worthington and Clintonville. Hound Dogs fuels the food needs of Hipsters. Villa Nova feeds the working class families and geriatric set of those north of Graceland. Young vs. old. New vs. traditional.

I knew Hound Dogs would win. But I also knew Villa Nova would at least offer some resistance. Villa Nova makes money by giving people their expectations – basic food, good service and price points that are right on target for the budget minded. Villa Nova keeps their parking lot packed seven days a week and has done so well that they bought the Just Pies building next door, knocked it down to build a second lot and filled it on the first day.

At Hound Dogs, the motto is pizza for the people. Most visitors have a shared experience at Hound Dogs. Good pizza, often apathetic or distracted service. The tattoo laden, band on the side culture of the staff at Hounddogs is a stark contrast to the family of servers at Villa Nova. More than four miles separate these two approaches to pizza.

As a group, we also debated the value of the pizzas. Villa Nova was $28.50 for two 15 inch pies. Hounddogs was $25.00 for two 14 inch pies. If we measured value by mass then Hound Dogs won the value category.

(Above: The blind eyes of pizza justice in action)

Another debate centered on canned mushrooms. Love them or repelled by them, these rubbery, chewy canned fungi strike a nostalgic cord with those of us raised on Ohio pizza. We “know” it’s wrong but we don’t want to do right.

The final debate was on crust density and ratios. This was inspired by the two cheese pizzas. Each was double cheese, causing a mass of cheese pressing down on crust. Some liked a crust to cheese ratio of 1:1; while others advocated for the Hound Dogs 5:1 ratio.

Reviewing comments of the testers, there was one clear winner – Smoking Joes. If it was regular Hounddogs vs. Villa Nova, it could have been close but the spicy and garlic infused flavors of Smoking Joes is quickly addictive.

Hound Dogs advances to the next round and is currently looking like it may be the winner. Villa Nova received respect and honorable mention for a good cracker crust and spicy sausage.

Tonight is round four of the challenge. Dante’s vs. Clintonville Pizza. Stay tuned.

Filed under: Clintonville, pizza Tagged: Clintonville Pizza, Clintonville Pizza Challenge, Nerd Night Clintonville Pizza Challenge

Bloggers Exposed: So True It Hurts

cmh gourmand — Sat, 31 Mar 2012 01:45:36 +0000

Watch this, it is worth three minutes of your life. Really, dead on perfect expose of my world. I want to be the Grizzly Bear.

WATCH THIS NOW!

Filed under: food

Clintonville Pizza Challenge: Sadness on Sinclair; Pizza House, Pizza Mart and the Agony of Defeat

cmh gourmand — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 05:23:24 +0000

The Outlook wasn’t brilliant for the Nerdville nine on that Monday:
The score stood zero vs. zero, with Pizza House and Pizza Mart DOA.
And then when CMH Gourmand died in his heart, and his brain did the same,
A sickly silence fell upon the nerds for the Clintonville Pizza Challenge game.

The straggling two found the site in deep despair. The first nerds to arrive, wondered – why is there no pizza to share how do we know which one will be best?
They Clung to that hope which springs eternal in the human breast;
They thought, what is the deal, where is Tom at
We’d put up even money, now, hoping the pizza won’t taste like dead cat.

But Rachel preceded Donna, as Andy fought back the snark,
But the situation was dire and the outcome looked dark
So upon that stricken multitude grim melancholy sat,
For now there seemed but little chance of CMH Gourmand not having a heart attack.

But they sat in learned helplessness, unsure of what to do
Where was the Pizza? Why can’t all shops deliver, Boo, hoo, hoo
And the sauce contrarian, the much traumatized, tore the fallacies of false hope all aside;
And when the dust had lifted, and the Nerds saw what had occurred,
Both pizzas, when obtained, were abysmal, and missed the mark of mediocrity by a very long stride.

Then from one somber throat, that held back on an inappropriate remark;
I’m sorry this happened, I’ll pay for it all;
And the Gourmand, as his sat and stewed and try to understand this lark
For this concept should be so simple, no one has to take the fall.

There was confusion in the Gourmand’s manner as he stepped into his place;
There was an annoyance in Gourmand’s bearing and a blankness on his face.
And when, responding to the jeers, he lightly dialed a cell phone,
I don’t know why these both suck, but I’ll get more even if I must dine alone.

Eighteen eyes were on him as he looked at the boxes in dismay;
Nine tongues tried to explain what happened this day
The plan was unclear, they did not think to check
That the guy they thought was picking up the pizzas, knew the sequence of steps

Oh, somewhere in this favored Ville the sun is shining bright;
The pizza is good somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere nerds are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
But there is no joy in Clintonville – both pizzas struck out.

Nothing in my life prepared me for the debacle and disappointment of the second installment of the Clintonville Pizza Challenge. In fact, my mind still reels from the event. Having run six Pizza Grand Prix‘s, other events and such, the concept of just having two pizza places compete and both tanking is outside my realm of comprehension.

Prior planning prevents piss poor pizza. And planning failed on this one. Due to a series of missteps, pizzas were ordered from Pizza House and Pizza Mart. But, no one picked them up (because this part of the plan had not been finalized and confirmed)…so they sat. When the miscue was diagnosed and the pizzas were picked up – what appears to be mediocre pizzas on both sides, lost any real hope of competition due to a lack of heat. The whole debacle was no one’s fault but it did show that the approach needed to be retooled.

I arrived late to find a lot of pizza left. None of it looked appealing. Initial reports indicated that both pizzas lost this round. I am one of those people who is perfectly happy to try a pizza pie that is lukewarm or cold, often I find that this helps me taste the individual flavors better. Trying both, I was soundly underwhelmed. Pizza Mart, I had never tried, so I had no baseline. But Pizza House, one of the standards of my youth….was not the pizza of my teenage years or even what I had back in 2011.

The consensus of the group was that both lost and neither could advance to the next bracket. The remaining pizzas, largely untouched were cold veggie pizzas – never my favorite when warm. The Pizza Mart pizza was over cooked….maybe they held it in the oven waiting for it to be picked up. There was not a good sample of Pizza House for me to try.

Looking at the semi-hungry people and wanting some redemption for at least Pizza House, I called in another order for a medium pepperoni and Sausage, a medium pesto and an Open-Faced Meatball sub and picked these up. The second round of Pizza House got a better response but still a resounding…..meh.

I don’t think these pizzas were sampled in their ideal state and the jury is so tainted by both, there is no way for these to get any consideration for the pizza challenge bracket. So at this point – I have to give up on both, call it a mis-fire and write these two off. If readers want to chime in on Pizza House and Pizza Mart please do so.

To sum up. FAIL.

The orange slices won

Some random thoughts on Pizza culture via two questions for the people following this series.

1) Thoughts on pizza delivery? Essential or a luxury?

2) Does pizza always have to be warm to be good? (People freak out when eating pizza that is not fresh out of the oven. In my experience (with the exception of Bono, Harvest Pizzeria and The Rossi) – most pizza is fine 15, 30 minutes or even an hour status post pick up.

Anyway – sorry for the whiff. Next week it is North vs. South: Hounddogs Pizza vs. Villa Nova. Stay tuned for a much better post and report on that war of the noses.

Filed under: Clintonville, pizza Tagged: Cville Pizza Challenge

Clintonville Pizza Challenge: The Battle of Graceland – Z Pizza vs. Belleria

cmh gourmand — Wed, 21 Mar 2012 03:25:33 +0000

The first pizza pair off occurred this past Nerd Night Monday at an undisclosed location in Clintonville. The Battle of Graceland pitted Z Pizza vs. Belleria Pizza.

An additional disclaimer for this series. There was a brief attempt at rational and objective judging criteria using the Kansas City BBQ Society judging guidelines as a basis for the taste off. This was a clear failure within ten seconds of suggesting this sane method of evaluation.

As my gal pal Andrea would say “what evs”.

More back story. Belleria has sixteen locations in Northeast Ohio and two franchises in Columbus – thus the prime directive of no chains is compromised. Belleria started in Youngstown in the 1950′s. Why did this place make the cut? They are still unique to Columbus and Clintonville. They deliver to the undisclosed location.

Z Pizza has locations in sixteen states, Washington DC, the Middle East, Mexico and Vietnam. Really. Z pizza is unique in central Ohio with one Clintonville location and one in the Short North. They deliver to the undisclosed location.

I can’t say the battle was hard-fought. We are so used to the value and massive bulk of Adriaticos that getting less pizza for more money was a moral and morale shock. One individual led the discussion with “I hate Z Pizza, it made me sick years ago, so it already lost.” This is the type of thing a food sociologist and enthusiast such as I must deal with. Grrrrrr.

What happened. After some trial and error and a lot of whining about having to wait to watch TV because I was still collecting data, I decided to settle the matter using a McLaughlin Report style aggressive questioning technique of the pros and cons of each pizza with each nerd. After everyone said their peace about the pieces, each person was allowed an opportunity to vote.

Belleria Notes:

“Taste Like Home”
“like the greasy thing going on”
“The best of the cheapest ingredients”
“more fart inducing” (really….this is the caliber of test subjects I am working with here).
“good spicing on the sauce”
“don’t like the spicing on the sauce”
“French Fry Pizza Rocks (also universal)
“like the cakey crust”
“has godfather / Mob qualities”
“hearty, filling – winner by weight for the price”
“reminds me of a Northeast Ohio Mom and Pop Pizza Pie Restaurant”
“spongy lusiciousness”
“tough biscuit quality – chewy, pieogiesque crust”
“the Ohio University of pizza” – under the radar and plucky

Z Pizza Notes:

“hits the flavors that the kids (hipsters) like”
“good crispness, good sear/char and crunch on crust”
“best combination and blend of flavors”
“good Tomato Taste”
“good crust (this was near universal)
“pretentious pizza”
“not memorable”

Having gathered the feedback above with tooth pulling precision I opted to do a vote.

The champion was Belleria with seven votes. Z Pizza received one.

Much like the Henry Fonda character in Twelve Angry Men, I had to respect the observations of the lone dissenter. It is difficult to compare the two pizzas because their styles are very different. Each had strong points and weak points. We thought both were over priced. Other than our resident contrarian who voted against Z Pizza years before, we all found merit in the Z Pizza crust. The French Fry pizza from Belleria is quite superior and deserves a special nod.

Next week: The Battle of Sinclair – Pizza House vs. Pizza Mart

Hoping for a bracket by next week (Hint: Roland).

Filed under: Clintonville, culinary knowledge, pizza Tagged: Nerd Night Clintonville Pizza Challenge