December 23rd is the day Festivus is observed. An important part of this holiday tradition involves an airing of grievances. I embrace this tradition with great passion. I will not list out my very long list of personal grievances but I will detail one small subset of grievances as they relate to the realm of food & drink.

Some related musings can be found in previous posts Restaurant Rants and Restaurant Rants the Sequel.

1) Sportsball People that shout at TV’s

I’m not sure how it found its way into the constitution but a large segment of people seem to believe it is their god given right to scream at TV’s during sporting events. Usually with unnecessary loudness, vigor and typically laced with profanity. I will allow that if one is at a clearly designated sports bar and everyone at that establishment is clearly there to watch the same sporting event, then this type behavior is marginally acceptable but still juvenile and annoying. Such hooliganism in another environment and especially a restaurant where people have paid to eat a meal while enjoying the company of others, is not acceptable and it is indeed reprehensible. After the first offense / the offending shout, the party or head shouter should be asked to leave after paying the tab for anyone in earshot.

2) Large parties without reservations

There is many a weekend evening I have seen a large party amble in to a restaurant and expect to be seated immediately and served with great speed. Who do these people think they are? Reservations are both a courtesy and a practical step to improve the experience for those on both sides of the order.

2 a) These same people often exhibit other poor behaviors. Often they treat their dining area like their family room. They and their ilk exhibit space creep physically or through hooting, hollering and other uncouth behaviors spreading their lack of decorum to all that can see and hear them. When they leave, they typically tip poorly and leave a giant mess in their wake. It is herd mentality at the lowest.

3) Loud talkers at restaurants and bars

A restaurant or bar is a public space. Yet, many find that for some unknown reason they have an inherent need to raise the volume from 5 to 10. For some, this change starts the moment they walk through the door, for others, it ramps up as each drink is quaffed. Not needed, not appreciated and not cool.

4) Loud music at restaurants and bars

Continuing with the theme. There are few places where music adds to the ambiance. Where this does apply, using a muted, background music can create a pleasant white noise to mute some of the noise pollution caused by those that commit grievance number 3. There are so many places that have music cranked up but no one can hear it and often what is selected is just something the bartender likes not something that adds to the mood the business might want to create.

5) Different rules of engagement because one is drunk or buzzed

A sizable majority of people seem to feel that they are not accountable for being an asshole when they are drunk. In my experience, whatever annoying habit or personality issues a person brings to the table only amplifies when they are drunk. An asshole by any name or state of intoxication is still an asshole and accountable for it.

6) Family dining is not a license to trash your table

I have a high energy 29 month old. When we go out to eat, he makes a mess. We clean it up before we leave. We might miss a pea or two, but we always make the effort. Our server is not our servant. Many people I observe out and about have a different point of view.

7) Bartenders that do not tend the bar

I spend a lot of time in a lot of taprooms. The level of service varies significantly. There are many places that seem to invest no time training their staff and seem to do not value quality control on how their staff tend bar. People that were good at whack-a-mole as kids are usually pretty good bartenders. Good bartenders have an ability to observe the entire bar. Bad bartenders tend to focus only on what is right in front of them. Good bartenders prep and clean when they have downtime. Bad bartenders gaze at their phone when they have less than 2 customers waiting for a beverage. Good bartenders know their cocktails and craft beers and can ask a few questions to help you make a good first pick. Bad bartenders might pass you a menu if it is not inconvenient. Good bartenders make great tips. Bad bartenders lose a customer after the first long wait for a bad drink and cost their businesses they work for a lot in lost profitability.

8) Businesses that do not tend to their parking lots and bathrooms

I do not expect a restaurant or bar bathroom or parking lot to be immaculate or fully stocked all the time. However, when it is clear it has not been cleaned in days or weeks, it is usually a safe bet that other key things are being missed as well. The same applies to things like clearing out leaves, yard waste, etc. It might not be their businesses property but a mess still reflects on the business and attention to detail for the entire guest experience.

9) Resisting Recycling

There are not many good recycling options available or area restaurants and bars, but at bars in particular, when I see trash cans full or bottle and cans on their way to the trash, it breaks my heart.

10) Dogs in bars and taprooms / children in bars and taprooms

I am not against all dogs in all bars and taprooms. I am not against all children in all bars and taprooms. And I am not against all adults in each of these places. However, there are some adults, some children and some dogs that should never go to any of these places. And there are some places no creature should go to. To be safe, it is probably best that I be the sole arbitrator of these decisions.

11) cell phones

If you are in a public place, please don’t share your conversation with the rest of us. We don’t want to hear it. Don’t answer your phone. If you do go to the lobby or parking lot, or perhaps into the nearest street if you do need to have the conversation. Also, in a public place, place all of your tones, alarms, etc., on mute. And if you have an obnoxious YouTube video you want to share with everyone at your table, e-mail it, don’t play it at your table at high volume.

These are a FEW of my least favorite things.

Please feel free to air your own grievances here as comments.