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Clintonville Pizza Challenge: The Verdict (with a serving of unsolicited pizza philosophy)

Posted by CMH Gourmand on April 19, 2012

When the series began it was for a noble purpose. Introduce new members of the Clintonville Community to the pizza dining options of Clintonville. It was also an opportunity for me to retry some places from my past and fill in the notebook on a few places untried. The concept, was to run a March Madness style bracket system with the goal of a worthy champion to be our go to pizza for our Monday gatherings. Our merry band knew there would be challenges in our challenge: conflicting tastes, a three-year addiction to Adriaticos to acknowledge and self-help our way through. We knew there would be disappointments but with twelve candidates we “knew” there would be a few princes among the frogs. Right?

Instead of the thrill of serious competition in the spirit of March Madness we had to fight through a marathon of mediocrity for five straight weeks. Here is how the series ended with limited analysis (I did not even bother to write down opinions for the last round).

Whole World: Disqualified because they are not open on Mondays.

Gatto’s: Average nothing of note

Smith’s Deli: forgotten about until the night before. Perhaps with good cause. The pizza had a school pizza sale pizza quality to it and had OK crust but the rest tasted so packaged we looked for a price tag.

Northstar Cafe: Technically disqualified for being a flatbread. While acknowledged that this was a good product and probably the most “real” food of any candidate in the series and the freshest of any ingredients. The flatbread does not travel well and failed our long-established value and volume standard….explained later if I don’t forget.

Romeo’s: OK for a chain, the winner of the evening. It has qualities of the original Dominos of the 1970’s and a big crust ring. The whole was greater than the sum of the parts on this one and what won the day for Romeo’s was sauce. The sauce was persistently present in each bite and tasted like….pizza sauce. The others lacked any sauce of note or measure.

Going through all of the contenders, the only pizzas our gang would order again for a second trial would be Hounddogs and Belleria. Only these two would have made it to a second round. Gauging preferences among the group, Hounddogs would have been the winner. However, after leading my flock through 40 days of pizza purgatory, there was no way to take them further on the journey and thus the series ends with a fizzle. In all we tried the thirteen independent and small chain pizzas of Clintonville minus Whole World and Mama Mimi’s. It was a noble effort.

On the upside, our hosts seem to have taken a shine to Belleria (based on the many boxes I see in the household between Mondays. And, strangely enough, they don’t opt for delivery, that seems like a moral victory of some sort. The head of the household of our hosting site likes the Italian accented banter of the Mama Mia at the shop when he picks up his prize.

Also, it is noted that Adriaticos was picked up for consumption on the day of this dispatch and devoured at the host site so all is now well at our undisclosed testing zone and Nerd Night headquarters in Middle Clintonville.

What was learned. The perception in Columbus is that Clintonville is weak in dining choices. In the case of pizza that is true, not much to write home about (even in my own home) in the Ville. How sad. However there is hidden in our borders a pizza genius. A master of baking, furnace and fire tweaking who like a classic Marvel superhero, hides his powers from the world is his cider block fortress in Baja Clintonville. Yet instead of using his powers for good, he taunts the world with glimpses of the good he could do for his community and fights my ongoing efforts for him to seize his destiny to cook pizza for the pizza deprived neighbors. My garage is filled with fire bricks awaiting construction of a clandestine wood fired pizza oven. If we build it, they will dine. But alas, I digress, for this last paragraph is written for our reluctant champion and the ten people who know of whom I refer.

Back on track now. The end of the series was not without some drama. As a planning and communication tool, Facebook has some weaknesses. I did add Smith’s at the last-minute so only I knew about this dark horse late entry. Due to working at my job instead of checking some late Facebook updates, I was not aware that a pizza had not been ordered from Whole World, so when I showed to pick it up, I arrived to locked doors. My next stop was Romeos where I thought I was picking up a pizza. There was none to be had at my arrival even after using every possible name I could think the order might be under. My phone failed when I called to check with Pizza Challenge central so I decided to play it safe and be a man of action therefore I ordered a pizza to be delivered. I then went to Gattos and get the last pizza for pick up.

Reflecting on the series as a whole was difficult. The day before the last round, I was a judge for the Pizza Grand Prix series at Wild Goose Creative. Having good pizza still fresh in my mind and digestive system as well as having created the judging criteria for the amateur pizza competition, the consumption of mediocre pizza was extra painful to my soul and senses. After years of defending Columbus Pizza from transplants (and citing may good places to get it) I had to accept that we do have a lot of sub par pizza served within our city limits. Such should not be the case.

What makes a pizza great? As with all things food related – there is not much objective to say on something as subjective as personal taste. I will say some basic truths do hold evident from our pizza tasting series. A good pizza needs these characteristics:

1) Good sauce. Simple. There should be something of flavor in the base – some salt, oregano, garlic…something. It must have more than tin tinged tomato taste and it should show some resistance to a strainer.

2) A ratio of sauce to cheese, cheese to crust and base crust to crust edge that allows the flavors of all to be tasted in each bite.

It is too technically complex to write out this theorem in mathematic terms but such a ratio does exist in the minds and palettes of men and such a ratio was not seen in most of the pizzas we tried. Most were weak on sauce or seemed to lack any substance or flavor in the sauce.

3) Crust should have flavor with some chewiness (this may not be a true word, but when has that ever stopped me) and some crunch or at least mild resistance in the crust edge. It can be cracker crust or thick crust but it needs to taste like something other than dough or Wonder Bread and it should be firm not soggy.

4) Cheese. Cheese should be real. The cheese ratio should not be greater in density or volume to the crust + sauce in a ratio of 3 (parts cheese) : 2 (parts sauce + crust)

5) Volume + Price = Value. Value = one advance in ranking; lack of value equals two descents in ranking. A B+ pizza that is $10.99 beats an A+ pizza at $18.99 that can only feed 1/3 the number of people as the B+ pizza. A similar ratio applies to wine. Two good bottles of $10.99 wine beat one slightly better bottle of $21.99 wine.

If you NEED good pizza this is where you will find it: The Rossi, Adriaticos, Hounddogs, Bono, Harvest Pizzeria, Hi-Beck Tavern and at an undisclosed backyard in Baja Clintonville where a reclusive pizza craftsman tinkers with a Frankengrill toiling over micro-refinements in process to perfect his pizza to surpass the 99.9999875391% level of goodness, in his mad obsession with perfection.

There is good pizza in Clintonville but most of you will never have it and the rest of you will have to accept that you are driving out of the 43214 for a decent pizza pie.

Posted in Clintonville, Columbus, culinary knowledge, culinary misadventure | Tagged: | 5 Comments »

Clintonville Pizza Challenge: Dantes vs. Clintonville Pizza Primo, Another Failed Plate

Posted by CMH Gourmand on April 15, 2012


(Above, the winners of the fourth round of the Clintonville Pizza Challenge: a bag of Kettle Chips and homemade cookies).

When this series began, I was going to have a graphic designer pal put together a bracket to plot the rise and fall of the pizza candidates in the challenge. Unfortunately, we have only seen a rise of fail. Dantes and Pizza Primo both missed the mark. By a long shot. Neither are advancing to the next round.

Here is what transpired. Don’t try this at home.

Quotes from the evening:

“Mediocrity reigns”

“This is the last round…..right?!?

We tried a plain cheese pizza from both location as well as a sausage, mushroom and pepperoni from both shops. Their was a glimmer of excitement for Dantes since their sausage is billed as housemade. We had hope – we lost it. One of the Primo pizzas ordered was a thick crust variety – that did not help.

Are these bad pizzas. No. Are they good? The ones we had given new meaning to the word meh.

In the case of Pizza Primo – across the board the consensus was that it tasted like frozen or off the shelf pizza. The sauce lacked any aspect of flavor. It was red and wet but that was it. Overall: bland, unmemorable, disposable and generic were the adjectives used. We had a lot of this one left when the evening concluded.

For Dantes, I had a glimmer of hope. I believe Dantes was my first encounter with pizza, I would have been five or six. As I stood waiting to pick up our order, I had a lot of time to watch the place in operation. It is a family joint – family run and patronized. The dough slingers know the customers by first name, what school they went to and probably which T-ball team their cousin was on last year. While I was there an employee and a customer spent fifteen minutes catching up on family matters while pizzas were prepped. Another customer shared that he has just had to put his dog down. The order counter is right by the pizza assembly area so you watch each pie made. I read a letter on the wall praising the Dantes sausage and I was hoping their sausage would deliver a hit for the nerd night Clintonville Pizza Challenge crowd. Dantes has character for sure and a good connection to community. I was hoping some of that love would rise and thrive in the pizza dough too.

Dantes fared better but was still underwhelming. The sausage, while homemade, tasted like it might have been made at home….long ago. The grease smears permeating the thin plain white box is a signature characteristic but the good aspects of the grease went the wrong direction. In the case of both cheese Pizza Primo and especially Dantes pizzas – the plain pies are at a disadvantage because they don’t allow any other ingredients to hide the imperfections of the products. For both pizza purveyors a better sauce could have helped either cross the line of average but the whole was less than equals to the sums of the parts – passable but not worthy of the next round.

We now find ourselves with four rounds complete and several disappointments. Before the gang stages a coup and kicks me off the pizza island, we are going to double down and put all the remaining pizzas on the table. On Monday, April 16th we are going to complete round one of the series with one each of Northstar Cafe, Whole World, Gatto’s and Romeos and hope that at least one is a cut above the rest and at least more than edible.

Stay tuned for the outcome. I doubt there will a final four out of this series. But we are hoping for a final two to pair off against Adriaticos as the official pizza of nerd night.

Posted in Clintonville, culinary misadventure, pizza | Tagged: | 3 Comments »

The Nerd Night Clintonville Pizza Challenge Begins

Posted by CMH Gourmand on March 16, 2012

No score and three years ago a small band of intellectuals who met via Columbus Underground started to gather on Monday evenings to discuss very important things, test out new ideas and concepts and debate critical issues of the day. The other 97% of the evening was spent watching three episodes of Battlestar Galactica and eating Adriaticos pizza. The assortment of characters called the gathering Nerd Night. The main cast has remained the same over the past three years with the number of missed Mondays no more than six. New shows have come along and there is an occasional affair with Creole Kitchen, but for the most part, Adriaticos has been consumed every Monday night for the past three years. Dedication – absolutely.

Due to forces beyond reason, also termed as “hey guys, we are going to have another kid”, the hosts decided to quickly flee Victorian Village for larger digs in Clintonville.

We are all a bit disoriented by this change but dealing with it. We will resume Adriaticos in the future? Or maybe not. In honor of March madness and to welcome my new neighbors to Clintonville I have launched the following project to start on March 19th. Please see my copied e-mail below:

OK – here is the plan.
The NERDS will explore the world of Clintonville Pizza using the methods and style of March Madness.

Here is the line up.

Week 1 The Battle of Graceland – Z Pizza vs. Belleria Pizza

Week 2 The Battle of Sinclair – Pizza House vs. Pizza Mart

Week 3 North vs. South – Villa Nova vs. Hounddogs

Week 4 Rumble on Indianola – Dantes vs. Clintonville Pizza

Week 5 Baja Clintonville Battle – Gattos vs. Romeos

Week 6 Wholesome War – Whole World Bakery vs. Northstar

Menus are being gathered. We will need volunteers for pick up at some locations. We will also need to slightly increase the weekly donation to the pizza fund to adequately evaluate the quality of the pies.

To which I received the following replies:

Jim, you’re my hero!

Jim, you’re on my celebrity ‘bone’ list.

This is amazing. I can’t wait! So many new pizzas to try. I did always look forward to Adriatico’s. The current heavyweight gas-producing champion of the world!

So many delivery guys to terrify!!!

This challenge will get us through the rest of season two of The Walking Dead and the last episodes of Big Bang Theory.

I will report on our progress weekly. Stay tuned for the finale. The best pizza in Clintonville will then go up against Adriaticos – the winner being our choice for pizza consumption for the next three years.

Posted in culinary knowledge, culinary misadventure | 5 Comments »

Behind The Counter: Feeling The Heat With Pitabilities

Posted by CMH Gourmand on March 6, 2012

As you read in the previous post, Yerba Buena was not able to make their debut at the Clintonville Celebrates Columbus Event last Saturday. Here is some back story. The day before I was sweating bullets because Carolina from Yerba Buena e-mailed me about a permitting issue that may keep them out of the game. The city and a good public servant came through and resolved the situation and saved the day. I found out the good news towards the end of the afternoon after working on several contingency plans. I was relieved.

I have worked on and coordinated several events in my day but this was extra important to me. Clintonville is my home and mobile food is my current crusade. I did not think Yerba Buena received a fair shot from a few in my community last year, so I wanted to do something to ring in the new season of mobile food with a bang. I also wanted to show two things: Clintonville does support mobile food and mobile food contributes to our community. Maple Grove Church was willing to host the trucks to supplement their tribute to Columbus history. Mozart’s in Clintonville generously provided 222 free (and very good) cupcakes. That plus little PR push and it looked like the turnout would be big. The event started at noon.

Pitabilities, Yerba Buena and Tatoheads were to report on station at 11:00. I got a call and text from Yerba Buena about 9:45 am letting me know they could not make it due to a generator issue. Considering the events of the previous day, I could only think one thing. SHIT!

I had enough time to jump on every social media platform in my media empire to get the news out and then a very quick shower before heading out the door to arrive at 10:59 am to find Tatoheads and Pitabilities on site and ready to serve. (Insert fist pump here).

I went inside to check in with the event coordinators, did a little outside set up and trotted out to see how things were ten minutes to showtime. Jim Pashovich from Pitabilities informed me that due to unexplainable and unforeseen events he was without staff at the present but he had his third guy scheduled to show up soon.

At this point lines were starting to queue up at both trucks (we were expecting three trucks to deal with the masses, not two). I could only think one thing. SHIT!

Again the purpose of the event was to knock one out of the mobile food park in Clintonville. At this point the count was looking bad, two strikes and no balls. A wiser person might have considered running but I said “Hey Jim do you want me to take a couple orders until the cavalry comes in (note, I was wearing my cowboy hat)”.

Jim was happy to get any help he could get so we went at it with 1.5 employees in a situation which normally have a full team of three. I was going in cold but with some training – Hot Dog U, Person in Charge food safety from the Health Department, a shift at O’Betty’s, 8 years of Comfest wine boothing and 2 years at Knight’s Ice Cream from 1985 to 1987. I could only think one thing. SHIT!

Luckily there was not much time to think. I think we served 65 to 70 people. Two hours later as the line was starting to die down the cavalry did arrive. We we almost out of change, out of some serving wear and an hour still to go. It took a while to get in my grove. I know I messed up two orders – one of you has my card and I did give most of your money back….I hope. As I was taking orders I had a lot on my mind…..how was the Tatoheads doing, where were our reinforcements, was there a Yerba Buena PR crisis that needed to be dealt with but no one could find the event coordinator with the cowboy hat? I had no idea if Clintonville was embracing mobile food this afternoon because we were getting slammed in the truck. Friends and family that showed up seemed to think I was working at Pitabilities for fun….oh no, but I do enjoy the work and the challenge. I was just hoping the dam would not burst. Working in tight quarters, with a deep line and people to serve requires a different state of Zen that I have not had to pull from for a while….but the fine art of dealing with one thing at a time kicked in and we pushed on.

I really felt for Jim, he was running the grill, prepping orders, calling various phone numbers to check status on our reinforcements and trying to train me all at the same time. For a business person making his Clintonville debut and who prides himself on great service and turning customer orders around in five minutes….this was a nightmare. Things were backed up. Neither of us were meeting our own expectations of what we wanted this opportunity to be. But we survived. I can’t tell you how many times we apologized to the line for the speed but it never felt like enough.

I walked off the line about 2:15 when reinforcements showed up. Jim took a ten minute break. Then back at it until 3 pm. I’m told the event went well. I hope those that attended had fun. I promise that it will be even better next time. Daniel from Tatoheads and his crew rocked it and Daniel even come over to check on us and offer to help. I love the spirit of camaraderie and cooperation these mobile fooders have. It is a good lesson to others.

I also learned I can deal with the SHIT factor if I have Jim P. on my six (doing all the work). So at this point I can only think one thing. BRING IT!

Posted in Behind the Counter, culinary misadventure | 1 Comment »

The Monolith Sandwich at Neighbor’s Deli: The First Attempt

Posted by CMH Gourmand on August 31, 2011

Fate took me to Neighbor’s Deli. It seems that when I am in transition an eating challenge appears on my radar. While waiting for friends to show up at Cuco’s, I wandered by Neighbor’s Deli as I was pacing down the sidewalk looking for somewhere to sit. A friend had mentioned Neighbors to me a year ago. I added it to a very long to eat list I have on my laptop and it promptly forgotten. As I approached Neighbors Deli the images of Spock and Kirk on the window beckoned me inside to take a peek. I observed a large menu of appealing sandwiches. I looked for a carry out menu but could not find one. One of the owners was behind the counter working. He noticed me mulling about. After a bit of banter he told me he was out of carry out menus but he would make a copy of their catering menu if I did not mind waiting a bit. I did not mind waiting at all. I was in a holding pattern anyway.

As the menu was being handed to me, I saw a sign about a Monolith sandwich. Hmm. I read about it and the long list of ingredients piled onto it. Then I spied the words that locked in a return trip: 4 and 1/2 pound sandwich, eat in 20 minutes and 11 seconds to get it for free. FREE. Large sandwich. Hmm, OK, yes. This reminded me of the Dagwood Challenge (I am a three time winner? of this). The Dagwood is 2 1/2 pounds of meat….that is hard to eat. The Monolith was almost twice the size. This seemed foolish. Yep I was in, but just for research purposes I told myself.

The following week I came in at lunch time. I ordered the Monolith without significant hesitation. The deli men were impressed. Very impressed. I was asked if I knew about the challenge and if I was going to finish it. My responses were yes and no. While waiting for the sandwich making to begin I started to think maybe I can finish this. I asked if I could substitute additional meat for the tomato and onion layers (I don’t like these in raw form). I was told, with no uncertainty, “NO, we serve this sandwich exactly as it is, no substitutions.” “Well, it was worth asking, that being the case, I will not finish the sandwich, I’ll just take some photos.”

I watched the sandwich creation process. It took at least 15 minutes to assemble. I was taken to my assigned table (the staff sets a timer and watches the sandwich eating so there is no cheating and only one table is suitable for this task). I snapped some photos, rubbed my belly once and said I was ready to begin. “Oh, hold on, wait, um, can I cut this in half first.” I wanted a cross-section photo and I wanted a chance to eat at least one half of this monstrosity, Monolith. I was given a knife for slicing. My cutting skills were so good I was offered a job on the spot (based on the fact I could cut a straight line through the Monolith without assistance or a power tool).((I may take them up on the offer, simple repetitive work with lots of social interaction seems really appealing at the moment.)) Cutting completed, I gave the OK to begin.

This is what I ate and what I had to cut through:

Bread
Swiss cheese
Corned Beef (5 oz)
Pastrami (5 oz)
Horseradish
Onion
Pickle
Cole Slaw
Bread
Cheddar cheese
Roast Beef (5 oz)
Lettuce
Tomato
Spicy Mustard
Bread
Jalapenos
Pepperjack Cheese
Smoked Ham (5 oz)
Turkey (5 oz)
Lettuce
Tomato
Oregano
Mayonnaise
bacon
Bread

Again, I had stated that I was not going to finish the sandwich. However, I got off to a great start. The Neighbors crew and customers were getting excited….”He’s gonna do it”. I was eating at a very fast pace. The bread and the various components were really good. I picked off the tomatoes and onions and dissected the sandwich into smaller sandwiches. At the ten minute mark the first half was but a fond and filling memory, I had eaten 65% of the mandatory potato salad side and I had a decent start on the second half of this now just very large sandwich. I had gone mano y mano with the Monolith and had exceeded everyone’s expectations so far, including my own.

The sandwich crafter was impressed with my efforts. He said, “you are doing great!”, “tell you what, you can skip the tomatoes……..keep going”. Even with ten minutes left I told him I was not going to finish the sandwich. I took a rest for a minute then started picking at the other half (after we took a moment to measure the remaining sandwich – 7 1/2 inches and about two pounds). At the five-minute mark I was doing pretty well. If I ate very fast and pushed myself and my belly to points unknown I could have finished it. I was fairly sure I would be sick the rest of the day if I pushed on so with 24% of the sandwich left I threw in the napkin at the three-minute mark.

Some may have looked at this as a failure. I looked at this as a victory – I chose not to be an absolute glutton. It also turned out I did really well. I am one of twelve people attempting the Monolith challenge. Only one person finished the sandwich to date. Of the remaining eleven, the Neighbors boys guessed I came in second or third for total consumption. Not bad for not trying.

Before I walked out of the door I was given a handshake, an eleven cent discount on my sandwich and a Neighbors T-Shirt even though I did not complete the challenge. The guys at Neighbors have class. I will be back for some regular sandwiches. Someday in the next year I will go back and eat the whole sandwich. I know I can do it. I just need someone to drive me home after and a cold floor to hibernate on.

Neighbor’s Deli
2142 Henderson Rd
Northwest Columbus / Upper Arlington
614.459.0188

Oh, no.

Neighbor’s Deli on Urbanspoon

Posted in culinary misadventure, sandwiches | Tagged: , | 10 Comments »

Milton’s Donuts, Middletown: Plus Ohio Donut Trail Tasting Parties

Posted by CMH Gourmand on May 16, 2011

When one donutery suggests another, I am inclined to listen. Such was the case for Milton’s. A counter person at Bill’s donuts in Centerville suggested we try out this spot. We placed it on the to do(nut) to do list for southwest Ohio. Milton’s was crammed in the middle of a very ambitious day of four donut joints, a Mexican Restaurant, Jungle Jim’s and wholesale bulk frozen meat market.

We arrived late in the day. Looking from the outside we were concerned that the bakery was closed and/or out of donuts. The cupboard was almost bare when we arrived. However even though our sampling was limited we were intrigued by what we did find at Milton’s. The exterior is very strip mall. The interior would best be described as utilitarian. We were impressed by some absolutely gorgeous decorated cakes. Also of note was a self-serve coffee pot. Milton’s had a tray of caramel glazed cake donuts left that caught our attention. We thought these were pretty good. We were able to compile a 1/2 box sampler for donut tasting later. Milton’s also carries apple fritters, donuts holes and the usual assortment of donut standards.

What I found most interesting was that this place has Moxie which was not noticed until we were leaving. Milton’s tag line reads “The Connoisseur in Donuts”…. that alone was worth the drive. They also do a great job doing the ribbon tie on the box. Their bag is pretty cool too.

Middletown itself would best be described as mildly depressing. My erroneous directions to my chauffeur while “Driving Mr. Gourmand” took us to places that were moderately depressing. I believe a return trip, early in the morning for a fully stocked Milton’s is justified as long as we do not linger too long.

Milton’s
3533 Roosevelt Blvd
Middletown
513.422.8612

Since I don’t have a lot to cover for Milton’s, it seemed like a good time to discuss what has been going on with all of these donuts. Typically, we bring back five or six or eight boxes of donuts to Columbus and Gourmand Manor. My tasters and a select group of foodistas then have a donut tasting, trying out and competing various donuts against each other to determine best in show, best fritter, etc. You can get a sense of what happens in the photo below.

Posted in bakery, culinary misadventure, donuts, Ohio Donut Trail, Road Trip | Tagged: , | 5 Comments »

The Chicken Corner of Columbus: No Fear of Frying Here

Posted by CMH Gourmand on April 24, 2011


Note: RIP A&M It caught fire and was demolished.

This may or may not be a public service. The intersection of 5th Avenue and Cleveland Avenue is a byway for many people and parts of our community. This is on the border of downtown and the Short North and serves as a gateway to the Northside, Linden and elsewhere. State Route 3 passes through and Interstate 71 is nearby. No one lives at this corner, everyone is just passing by on the way to something else.

However, something unexpected and unexplained is happening at this intersection. There are FIVE chicken restaurants at an intersection where most smart folk would say even one restaurant would struggle to get by. Church’s Chicken is at the NE corner. KFC is about 200 yards to the east. Popeye’s is at the SE corner. About 300 yards to the west at 4th and 5th, in a building that looks like a bunker is Woody and Jo’s. The last member of this poultry quintet is A & M Chicken & Fish. This independent restaurant seems to be the new kid or chick on the block. I can not tell what former fast food purveyor occupied the current A & M space.

I parked in the lot of A & M late one night and watched hordes of cars going to all of these chicken places. I saw one or two cars visit two or more spots. This was amazing to watch. Other than A & M, the other corner players are known entities so I will not write about them. All of the places serve chicken in one style or another. A & M serves chicken from the genus of fried as well. They also serve chicken livers and gizzards and forty varieties of combination meals that take up two page sides to explain. In the arena of fish, these guys are the winner of the corner serving and frying: catfish, white bass, Tilapia, perch, Whiting, Boston Blue, Shrimp, Jumbo Shrimp, Catfish Nuggets. Yes, you read correctly, Catfish Nuggets. Gyro’s and some other comfort foods appear on the menu to boot. My guess is that the owners hail from the Middle East at least based on the crew on duty that served me.

A & M has the latest hours (consistently) of the corner (only beaten by Woody and Jo’s on Saturday late, late nights). The staff seemed a bit startled to see me at the window. I guess they don’t see many Subaru driving fooders popping in for late night snacks. They were very nice. They made sure to give me a menu and asked that I call ahead next time so I would not have to wait so long for my food. A & M does cook to order so when you place your order at the drive in microphone you can hear the plunk into the frying oil in the background.

I was impressed by the care put into packing my order. The chicken was placed in a styrofoam box and then the box was slid into a thick paper wrapper to preserve heat. I was also given a large quantity of ketchup, hot sauce and tartar sauce packets. A side dish side note, the coleslaw was as good as KFC which is my benchmark for satisfying slaw. Church’s probably has the best fried chicken on the Chicken Corner, Popeye’s seems to have the longest line and A & M appears to have the loyalty of the late night crowd.

A & M Chicken & Fish
1097 Cleveland Ave
Chicken Corner in the Chicken District
614.294.6666

(Note: No Gourmands were killed in the production of this post, however, while I was out taking photographs I was given the stink eye by some tough looking fellas at the bus stop. When I explained what I was doing they laughed. That made me glad. I was also glad I did not wet my pants when the five of them started walking towards me).

Update: June 2012

Chicken Corner is still clucking along. Church’s, Popeyes and KFC are still doing a good business and holding their corners down. A few blocks west, Woody & Jo’s is having a renaissance of sorts with earlier hours. A few blocks to the east of Chicken Corner is Royal Chicken and Fish. I have never been because each time I have dropped by I have been threatened by someone inside while taking a photo, so I’m not going back. First impressions do matter, especially on Chicken Corner.

Posted in culinary misadventure | Tagged: , | 5 Comments »

Reflections on Donut Consumption: The Ohio Donut Trail So Far

Posted by CMH Gourmand on February 3, 2011

This post is sponsored by the letter D. D is for Disappointment. In my younger days when I would run full speed to kick the football of success but found it pulled away at the last possible moment I did not recover so well (ref: Brown, C.). After disconnecting from the world for months on end, I would eventually find myself and my backpack somewhere in Australia, New Zealand or elsewhere roaming the backroads. What I eventually found in my travels is that there are some events I will never understand and very little of what may or may not happen on the big scale can be controlled.

D is for Distraction. I also found the best way to recharge myself and get back on the playing field is to find something to obsess about other than why what I wanted to happen did not. The first time my obsession led to action, I made a binder of mini-restaurant reviews called the Good Food Guide which I pushed onto friends, acquaintances and strangers. My next obsession was ice cream. I wrote my first “big” magazine article about the best ice cream stands places in our state for Ohio Magazine (May, 1998). Then I created a web site about ice cream so I could figure out how HTML worked – Ice Cream Ohio. You may have also read about a few Taco Trucks in Columbus. I blundered into directing my obsession into things I could learn about as a distraction and in return I was saved from roaming the world like an Ancient Mariner trying to figure the unfigurable. I still roam the world as often as I can but for different reasons (mostly to step back from my day to day life in order to find something or someone to inspire me to the next big thing).

D is for Donut. Reading this blog for the last few months you might get the impression that I love donuts. Such is not the case. However, I have found some donuts that I do love. Donald’s Donuts, Voodoo Donuts and Donut World each served as sites for major epiphanies on the repeated ass kicking 2010 gave me. Loosely connecting those dots and observing the power of the D-O-N-U-T on people, I decided that some additional research and discovery was needed. At this juncture, readers, we are at the midpoint of the donut chronicles as I plot out the Ohio Donut trail. My favorite donuts so far hail from Auddino’s, Bill’s and DK Diner.

In the process of donut discovery, I had a donut tasting party at Fortress Gourmand. Here are a few trends that were noted. Few donuts are good after more than a few hours out of the kitchen. The best donuts are still great up to a few days after purchase. Maple glaze seems to be an Ohio thing. Most of the best donuteries seem to offer the maple option. We had an Ohio maple donut challenge and the winner was Bill’s. We had the first Ohio Apple Fritter Throwdown. The results here were mixed. The most memorable comment concerned the DK Diner apple fritter – “Is that a loaf of bread?” It was not but it is clearly the mother of all apple fritters. DK Diner tied for first among fritters with Auddinos which was noted to be the most “applely.” We also decided that the best donuts have a bit of crunch on the outside and a lot of fresh and chewy on the inside (Auddino’s, Bill’s and DK Diner as exhibits A, B and D).

A donut tasting might sound decadent, because it is, but it is more fun than people should be allowed to have. There will be another donutpolooza. There may also be a March Maddness of Donuts where my donut detectives and I will pit the best against the best to determine the finest donut in Columbus and Ohio.

There seem to be a lot of special memories connected with donuts as well as special connections to people and place. College and donuts seem to pair well. Late night dining and early morning road trips line up nicely with these doughy treats. There is always a certain camaraderie connected to donuts. Maybe because donut counters are the great equalizer of the masses just like diners are. Maybe it is because the lowly donut is cheap and fast and easy to share. There is a reason boxes of donuts pop up at any office. A box of donuts offers diversity and democracy to everyone – grab a donut and pass the box on. There seem to be a lot of reasons that donuts do us right.

The D word…… The final question to think about. Is it Donut or Doughnut?

Posted in culinary misadventure, donuts, Ohio Donut Trail, Road Trip | 8 Comments »

Mojito Madness: Round One Recap and The Rest of the Story

Posted by CMH Gourmand on October 18, 2010


Alternate Title: CMH Gourmand and the Seven Lady Drinkers


Sometimes I get a notion…….

Good mojitos have been few and far between in my life experience. I had three or four perfectly mixed and poured mojitos after I landed in Brisbane, Australia after 26 hours in transit. Casa Nueva in Athens has a good seasonally themed mojito cocktail. However, my local mojito encounters had been lacking and might be better described a “meh-jitos”.

What is a mojito? A highball, Cuban in origin, it should consist of: white rum, sugar cane juice, lime, sparkling water and mint leaves. This cocktail is all about the quality of the ingredients and taking the time to mix them.

Using the power of Twitter, I asked for suggestions on the best mojitos in the capital city. I received many responses. Then I decided that the quest would be best if done with a company of cocktail connoisseurs. I figured if the mojitos were bad at least the entertainment (and blog content creation) value would still be high. I sent out a call for volunteers for my cocktail caper that read as seen below (not quite the Shackleton expedition advertisement, but still equally uninspiring).

Hello Brave Volunteers,

While I agree that the best mojito would be in Cuba or made at home,
sometimes while out and about, you have to have one, especially in
this heat. Over the last year I have been overwhelmed by mojito
malaise – too many suboptimal mojitos to count.
I know we can find at least one good one in Columbus and I am on a
mojito mission. I need help rating and evaluating mojitos.

This offers no pay, probably hazardous working conditions, the
possibility of alcohol poisoning, the potential for drunk tweeting
(not by me) and you might end up in a photograph on CMH Gourmand.
Here is the route – two days – one easy….one hard.

In the end, these were my volunteers. Their names have been somewhat protected to protect their somewhat innocence.

Hungry Woolf
DrElena
Twixlen
AmberHunt
NBCMonica
ItinerantFoodie

For one segment, we were joined by AmandyAnderson

The adventures are mostly chronicled on Twitter under this hashtag – #MojitoMadness

We picked up a few additional test tasters along the way with our growing party acting as Johnny Alcoholseeds and Pied Pipers. Some of the restaurants were following our progress on Twitter as well, much as people on the Florida coast watch the Weather Channel for hurricane updates.

Now a long alcohol inspired evening (starting at 3 PM) with seven women would normally be something that I would dream about instead of write about or experience. Well, unless it is Australia or Canada, I had similar adventures there. Nevertheless, it happened. There is a saying: “Well behaved women rarely make history”. That is true. I think that Mojito Madness as the event was called was very historic.

The surprise guest was Monica Day from NBC4. I did not know she was coming. Honestly, my first thought was “great, some high maintenance fashion plate is on this excursion”. I was very quickly proven wrong. Since I did not have a TV for the majority of 2010 and don’t watch TV when I have it, I had no idea who Monica was or that she was also a former Miss Ohio. Score one for Team Mojito Madness. Monica was perfect for our experiment and it was great to drink in her company. She is classy, observant, funny and flexible. Ms. Day you can join us for any adventure at any time! She also completed her journal of the evening two months ahead of me. You can read Monica’s well-written documentary below.

Monica’s Mojito Madness

I learned a lot during the field research for this project. Being the only male in a pack of seven strong-willed, mojito-fueled, bright, passionate, wonderful women on a rainy day with bars to hop and raindrops to dodge is no easy task. I was often lost in my own crowd. The game plan and approach were debated. I decided to just follow along for the ride instead of trying to steer the course of the ship. These are the places we visited or assaulted depending in ones point of view on day one.

Barrio

Mojo Lounge

Knead

Deepwood

Mouton

Northstar Cafe in the Short North

The Rossi

These are my field notes:

First stop Barrio. Met the group, organized the itinerary, and explained cocktail evaluation process. Debated cocktail evaluation process. Backseat driving has begun. Remember to eat. Round One of Mojito Madness was designed as a High Street tour of cocktails with ambitions to sample eight to ten different mojitos.

As a group we discussed what makes a mojito good. There were many different opinions. There were many competing opinions. There were many contrasting opinions. We discussed rating sweetness, mintyness (sp?), ruminess (same), mojitoness and taste. At the end of much back on forth we (kind of) agreed to a 10-point scale with 5 points for taste and 5 points of mojitoness (which includes mint, sweetness, mojo, etc.). Barrio has a Pomegranate Mojito, which a few of us tried and was found to be respectable. Not sure of how our group dynamics would play out and also wanting to be a good host I decided I would order a pitcher of mojitos with a few appetizers to share and pick up the tab for our first order. I appreciated the bartender’s willingness to pursue this poor idea on my part. As it turns out the Barrio mojito scored from one to nine on our scale with the low scores coming from those getting a drink from the bottom of the pitcher. I noted that I should avoid the pitcher tactic for our other stops. We all agreed that the fries at Barrio are really damn good.

As we decided to head for our next destination Mother Nature decided it was time to unleash the rain. A lot of rain.

I arrived at Mojo Lounge soaking wet and could find no paper towels in the bathroom to dry off. I did however, discover a secret parking spot in Goodale Park so all was not lost. We took our team photos here and I apologize to Twixlen for cutting her out of my photo in error. We universally liked that the Mojo Lounge mojito had slices of lemon and lime – so score a presentation point there. Several of us also thought it had a lemon shake up (fair drink) quality to it. We believe the alcohol used here was Barcardi Limon. Our collective score here was seven. Not bad.

Our next stop was Knead (which is overdue for a report….coming soon). Since sobriety improves walkability, we were looking for ways to minimize mojito mayhem. Knead was happy to cater to our whim of wanting half pour mojitos for the sake of pace. I do not think the mojito was a standard cocktail on the menu (at least in August) but they made them anyhow. The consensus was that the mojito lacked mojitoness. Another comment was “tasted like my freshman year”. To elaborate on that comment more would take too long and feel too awkward so use your imagination. We did think the presentation of the food we ordered was good. A few said that while this version of the drink was not a good mojito, under a different name, they would rate it a good cocktail.

We headed next door to Deepwood. At this stage, the group was a bit boisterous to the point of my absolute mortification. I felt very bad for the couple across from us. Another member of our party noticed that her boyfriend’s grandparents were in the restaurant but it was too late for her to distance herself from us. Therefore, she sucked it up. We made requests for half pour mojitos here as well. The staff were happy (on the surface) to do so and adapted to our “boarding party” quite well with patience, decorum, and grace when taking multiple food orders from us.

(Aside: A few days later, I heard through the food enthusiast grapevine (we know everything) that our presence had been tracked on Twitter and that there was significant discussion and debate among the staff and owners about how to handle the half pour mojito situation. To everyone’s credit, we would not have guessed what was going on from our side of the table.)

We had some differing opinions on this mojito. We had two low scores and several 8’s and a 10. This turned out to be our (collective, not universal) favorite of the evening. Comments included: most minty, not too sweet and good ruminess (sp?). Many of us thought it was the best balanced of the mojitos we tried that evening. We all loved our food here. This was our main meal stop for the night although we continued with snacking to maintain our drinking sustainability.

Rested, fed, fueled and with the rain abated, we marched to Mouton. I must give Mouton great credit. They were aware of our intentions via Twitter and even though they did not carry all the ingredients to make a mojito (and did not have it on their standard drink menu), they sent someone out to get the missing components they lacked and invited us in with open arms.

Mouton led strong with most members of our merry mojito band commenting that this was the best presentation of the night. The mint looked and tasted minty. Even the ice (crushed) looked inviting. However, things when downhill from there. Field notes include these observations and opinions: “so limey I might die”, “tastes like sour mix”, “limijito?” and “tastes like my front yard”. Based on presentation and high spirits we had ordered a lot of mojitos when we arrived. Scores here varied from two to six. What we did universally enjoy was the food and other beverages and cocktails we tried.

The pouring and art of their cappuccino was wonderful (see the photo below).

We picked up some additional male members from the Twitterverse at this point and moseyed over to The Rossi to find it packed (not surprising for a Saturday night). We placed our party on a wait list then ran a gauntlet of interesting people watching fueled by the Gay Pride Festival on our way to Northstar Cafe.

Northstar failed the mojito test. Field notes here included: “not minty”, “not rummy” and “no mojitoness”. This did score high on the taste scale (four to five out of five from most of us) due to Northstar’s house made ginger ale. For me, I was happy because I had a peanut cookie to munch on which is a Northstar favorite of mine.

At 8:47 pm, we received the call that our table was ready….or almost ready so we rolled back to the Rossi. The hostess at the Rossi wins for service for the evening. She did the best she could under crowded and cramped conditions to squeeze our party into a space for sipping cocktails.

This was a stop I was looking forward to due to several positive endorsements from the public. I wanted the evening to finish strong. Opinions were contrasting here. Comments from my mojito mavens included: “I do not hate this mojito”, “Ewwww”, “goofy bitter flavor, cheap liquor?”, and “solid five”. There was one score of eight but the comments after could not be translated other than the phrase “hoo haa”. It was a busy night and several of us noted a grainy sugary taste to the drink so maybe the bar ran out of simple syrup and substituted another sugar product. At this point due to the crowd, time invested and such, we collectively called it a night. I left my notebook behind but it was secured and saved by a Hungry Woolf. I cabbed back to Clintonville and called it a day and a night.

The next day I headed to the hinterlands (to me), known to most of you as Easton to try out Smith & Wollensky. The original plan was to hit three places for part two of Mojito Madness but the day was not flowing well and my focus was flagging.

The bar enchanted me, enough that I could willingly be lured to Easton again. It may be the best place to drink on a Sunday afternoon. One half of bar area the opens to the patio. The bar top is copper-plated which creates an old bar feel. The bar service was good, classy and efficient. The presentation of the drinks was impressive. I watched the bartender prepare my multiple mojitos.

I tried the Dragonberry Mojito which is Barcardi rum infused with dragon fruit and strawberries and served with fresh mint and lime. I would give this an eight. Also on the menu was Miami’s Finest Mojito, made with Cruzan Citrus Rum, Monin Pure Cane Syrup, Sweet & Sour, lime, mint and soda.. I gave the Dragonberry an eight and the Miami an almost nine. I also swilled a very good Pomegranate Caipirinha made with Cabana Cachasca Rum, pomegranate, mint and lime. (Aside: Brazilan rum aka Cachasca, is distilled from cane sugar – not molasses like other rums. It is generally high proof and clear in a murky manner). At this point in time, I was feeling that the Smith and Wollensky mojito might be my winner or at least second place finisher.

The following weekend the destination was German Village to try out Lindey’s and Barcelona. Our research in the village was highly productive but hindered by some disorientation and some trauma (I was attacked by a branch). Ouch. Photos were suboptimal on this expedition due to low light. So, I am sorry that you not get the view these mojitos at their best.

We hit Barcelona on a busy, busy night but were able to secure two stools for the three of us. We were also able to secure four cocktails for round one of sampling. The Basil Mojito is a signature drink here and had received a strong endorsement from a few folks. This is Barcardi rum with lime, sugar, soda and basil leaves. We also ordered a Caipirinha (pitu cachaca, limes, sugar and soda). For the month of August, 10 Cane Rum was featured liquor so there were two more mojitos to try. One was made with 10 Cane Rum and the standard ingredients. The other was labeled the Millionaire Mojito, mixing 10 Cane Rum with Cava. All of the mojitos here were well made. The Barcelona bartender, in spite of being very busy, put great care into each mojito. All were well balanced with fine presentation. The mint itself was fresh and looked really good. Each cocktail was muddled and hand shaken with vigor. The basil mojito scored an 8.5. The 10 Cane mojitos scored 9.5. While the journey continues, this was the winner and at this point, my desire to continue looking was curbed. The Caipirinha was awesome resulting in more being ordered to ensure the first two were not flukes.

Our next destination was Lindey’s. A signature drink on their bar menu is the Cranberry Mojito. On a previous visit, I was told they were out of Cranberry (on a Friday night with a grocery store within walking distance….what?). This evening Lindey’s did have cranberries so we ordered their house version as well as a standard mojito. These were both good and worth ordering again. However, with the trauma of being attacked by a branch and the lingering recent memory of the Barcelona bar experience, it was hard to get excited about our drinks here. The food was amazing and was enjoyed in candlelight on one of my favorite patios in town.

In late September, I finally hit the last place on the original mojito hit list – The Press Grill. The Press is a favorite cheap eats hangout out of mine but I had never tried their mojito. I sampled this one solo. It was good but not great. I found it a bit too syrupy and gritty. In the range of all of the mojitos I tried for Mojito Madness, this would score in the lower end of the middle of the bell curve.

We missed a few places. M, the restaurant, called out to us via social media but we were not able to take them up on their offer to experience their mojito. Their bar staff have a good reputation in the cocktail community so it is a shame that logistics did not work out. I am sure there will be posted comments on other good mojito spots in Columbus. However, based on a good sample and plenty of sampling, I am comfortable stating that Barcelona has the best mojito in town. I will also state in retrospect, I prefer Caipirinhas over mojitos for my Latin flavored cocktailing.

There might be more #Madness sessions in 2011 – Manhattans and Bloody Marys are on deck. The format will be one place and one type of cocktail per meet up until we run the list of best in show for that cocktail in Columbus. Watch @CMHGourmand on Twitter for those details and read the results here, hopefully in a timelier manner.

Posted in bar, cocktails, culinary misadventure | Tagged: , | 2 Comments »

Four Years of Gourmanding

Posted by CMH Gourmand on August 24, 2010

August 28th marks the fourth Anniversary of CMH Gourmand. Things are going well. The two nemeses / nemesi of CMH Gourmand in the past year are time and typos. This year has been about stretching my limits and I have felt it. I was stretched thin, too thin. I went on my epic journey with CMHTobias and thought about the adjustments I needed to make on my return home to ensure I can do what I want and need to do. There are still many things I start to write or want to write about but I run out of time or I find the post is no longer relevant when I have a spare moment to fully develop it or someone beats me to the keyboard with the concept. My two primary jobs and other sundry side projects limit my opportunities to sit down and write something fit to print. Much of what I have written in the last year has been right on the edge of “blog worthy” or reader worthy. I have seen the quality and the quantity take a hit in the last year so I apologize. The struggle for time also encourages rushing which guarantees typos. I catch most of them within a week or two and usually tweak my longer posts a few times after publishing. Something about seeing the posts on a foreign computer screen lets me see errors and omissions that looked fine on my laptop.

That being written, it has been a good year, a very good year. People often observe that this blog, the other blogs I contribute to as well as my many food related projects must take a lot of time – that is very true. The food related things I do are “my life” and what I live for and are almost all consuming. Fortunately, all of this “work” is fun. However, (until lately, almost) all of this “work” is unpaid, pro bono, community service. I have no complaints about that. Each of these ventures have opened doors and created opportunities for me or for people that I care about and/or for the community. The greatest gift I receive from all of this is exposure to people and places I would have never encountered otherwise. In four years I have made countless friends, many of whom are very dear to me (I value them more than they know). The blog has indirectly brought me great happiness and unbearable sorrow. It balances out in the end.

This year has seen the continued popularity of Taco Trucks Columbus, my collaboration with Hungry Woolf and Taco Drew. There are now two spinoffs from that project which I contribute to – Alt Eats Columbus and Street Eats Columbus. Bethia and Andy have taken their well-eaten expertise from the three sites and created Columbus Food Adventures to promote culinary Tourism in Columbus. I also started my own business with my friend Amanda. We do Social Media consulting as – Feed Social Media. The company is doing really well (yay) and our projects often allow me to work with food related businesses and events.

There are new joint and individual projects in the works for the next year. This is an exciting time for Columbus food. I am happy to see so many people doing well and taking risks during a time where we are more apt to believe that there is neither hope nor food around the corner. In the arena of good eating, Columbus is booming (in spite of the uninformed opinions of Chefs Bourdain and Ruhlman).

This has been the first year of twitter for CMH Gourmand. I started twitter as an experiment for the third anniversary. Twitter has allowed me to share things at a micro level when I do not have time to expand on them at a macro level. I hit 500 followers last week. This has also been the year of CMH Tobias, my loyal dog. The cult like obsession some readers have for him inspired his own twitter account @CMHTobias. If you google the term Appalachian Porch Hound – there is only one dog that comes up……

This has not been the year for Columbus Foodcast. The podcasts were always fun but Zach, Bethia and I have too much on our plates to produce a scheduled podcast for now. The project had a good two year run and is not completely dead, but instead of weekly or monthly, will more likely be on a yearly schedule for distribution. There are some gems floating around in the Foodcast archives, so take a listen some time.

Reader/viewership has flatlined this year but remains constant. I hit the 300,000 visit mark recently. I can currently expect 2000 to 3000 people to surf in per week. I have seen a large rise in people following the blog via RSS, Google Reader etc., in the last couple months so I thank my followers for their loyalty. I know the only way to grow the blog at this point is to write more often and “more better” but that does not seem to be on the menu for now until I drop my main job with “the man”. A couple projects I have in the works may make that dream a reality next year. I will continue to write as often as possible. It is what I must do and is a sickness that has no cure. Therefore, if CMH Gourmand becomes a blog for one, one thousand or one million, I will remain at my post, posting away. Follow me on twitter @CMHGourmand if you find that my field reports become too infrequent.

Posted in culinary misadventure | 5 Comments »

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